In the future humans have dedicated robotic companions to assist them with every possible task. In the case of the hero and villain of "Bling", that task is to make an excessively gaudy marriage proposal. And that right there, is where "Bling" starts to go wrong. So wrong, in fact, that the robotic companions themselves constantly comment on how their assigned task is really stupid, and the villain's robot eventually goes into a full on mental breakdown because he's that sick of the actual plot.
It's a little fascinating, honestly, watching a movie like "Bling" that seems so utterly disgusted by its own premise. It's not really much of a spoiler to note that, naturally, the ultimate message of "Bling" does end up conforming to what the robots say. The opening scene which depicts the fantastically bad advice of how cool people give cool engagement rings is naturally completely discredited. Incidentally that guy in the trunk is a guy, not a kid. He's the one that becomes the supervillain.
Why? That's...a good question actually. The hero and the villain end up fighting each other, not as a matter of good versus evil, but as a result of a random misunderstanding that was actually the hero's fault. The whole supervillain aspect of the story exists mainly to justify the hero's actions, since the villain is such an obviously bad guy. I don't know, personally, I thought his being a stalker and the lack of compassion to his robot buddy was bad enough.
But the hero is similarly kind of an idiot who isn't all that sympathetic. I'd have been a lot more engaged (ho ho) in his quest to make the perfect marriage proposal if there had been more actual screentime between him and the love interest. Who is his girlfriend- worry not, the guy isn't a creep, even if "Bling" itself is weirdly leery when it comes to the woman's attractiveness. Oddly enough her personality is fine, we just don't get to see that much of it.
So! There's a lot of structural weaknesses in "Bling" That much isn't really such a big surprise. How's it look? Not so bad, actually. The action is fairly well done- the hero's three robotic comrades all have clearly defined abilities and as a result the action setpieces have pretty good tension. The comedy is...well, let's put it this way. One robot's strongest power is his ability to make super farts. Why are robots programmed to smell? Why are you asking such ridiculous questions?
"Bling" is thoroughly mediocre. Which is admittedly better than all and out terrible, although that remains fairly faint praise unless you're really, really desperate for something to put the kids to sleep with you haven't already seen a dozen times already. Ah yes, a final note- "Bling" is almost entirely a Korean production, even though was obviously intended for the American market. Note the English character names and signs. Not to mention the music. Oh, of all the American music to pick why did they go with that...
Review by William Schwartz
Staff writer. Has been writing articles for HanCinema since 2012, having lived in South Korea since 2011. Started out in Gyeongju, then to Daegu, then to Ansan, then to Yeongju, then to Seoul, lived on the road for HanCinema's travel diaries series in the summer of 2016, and is currently settled in Anyang. Has good tips for utilizing South Korea's public bus system. William Schwartz can be contacted via email@example.com.
"[HanCinema's Film Review] "Bling""
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